LOST THOUGHTS

What if I smile so broadly

That the world thinks I got it figured out

Will that ignite a fire in me

Or will I tear my facial skin

In pursuit of “I got it all covered ”

What if I don’t smile, you know

Unless I find something really funny,

That makes my ribs crack and my heart ache

Not of pain, but of endless laughter

Will the world say “She’s too real”?

What if I cry a river

And wake up to red sausage swollen eyes,

After making the worst of the hissing sounds

And drenching my pillow last night

Will the world say “She has it hard”?

And offer a comforting shoulder to lay on

What if I don’t feel, don’t cry, don’t laugh

Go about my days in the stoic of manners

Without associating with life in all its aliveness.

Not because I have loved

Not because I have lost

Not because I long for

Not because I got nothing to long for

But because I am, as I am, In fullness and in lack of what makes a human, human.

What will the world say?